Confessions of a Tired Christian

It’s hard to be a Christian in today’s atmosphere.

As a young Christian, I am being yelled at from so many different sides within and without Christendom. Christ has grown nearer to me, but the Church appears to be more divisive and divided than it has been in my life.

Daily, there are opposites voicing their opinions loudly at me:

True Christians support Trump and true Christians don’t support Trump.

True Christians support refugees and true Christians don’t support refugees.

True Christians believe the accusations of rape victims and true Christians weigh the evidence.

True Christians are educated and true Christians only need the Holy Spirit.

True Christians read and write poetry and draw and paint and true Christians are working hard and don’t have time for such none-sense.

True Christians daily read their Bible and memorize Scripture and true Christians don’t have to as long they are loving God and loving their neighbor.

True Christians pray for their enemies and Christians don’t have enemies.

True Christians do _____________ and true Christians don’t _____________ .

True Christians think _____________ and true Christians don’t think  _____________ .

True Christians feel _____________ and true Christians wouldn’t feel _____________ .

And often, those blanks are the same. And I hate these kinds of statements.

There are moments when I doubt what I believe because those who are wiser, smarter, closer to God than me say the opposite while those who are wiser, smarter, closer to God than me say the same. The demonization of the opposition is a caricature that seems to seep into our subconscious and bloom into prejudice and isolationism.

I’m not complaining – but I am tired. And frustrated. And often times lost.

But it’s in this lostness where great things have been happening: my love for my wife had deepened and grown; my affection and concern for my children has deepened and grown; my hunger for peace and justice is balancing with my hunger for grace and empathy; my patience with those I disagree with has expanded and I delight in good, thorough conversations; I enjoy work more than ever before; but above all, God has grown in my heart and mind, and I love him all the more because of his love for me.

Lostness provides me with great clarity on what I think is important. So, while I strive to obey God and serve my neighbor, I shouldn’t be surprised at the contradictions in Christianity, though growing weary in them I believe is acceptable.

I wouldn’t be surprised if there are others like me who struggle to hear Gods still small voice; in Scripture, in His Spirit, in the silence.

However, I am reminded from his Word:

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8: 38-39

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